Good Morning! And Happy April Fools Day to all of you who participate in such things.
I will tell you right now that I HATE April Fools Day!
This is due in large part to my status as an individual on the autism spectrum. As an Aspie, I do not like change. As a matter of fact I thrive on routine, knowing what is coming next and who and what situation I will need to deal with. I do not care for surprises. I get annoyed when my plans, however basic they may be, get interrupted by regular everyday things. It's worse when it's something others knew about and neglected to share with me in advance.
But I also have a problem with being incredibly literalistic. Let me give you an example that you will find humorous, and that I will pretend to see the humor value in.
There is a common American expression "Making Ends Meet" that refers to financial matters. This idiom effectively means that someone is earning enough money to pay all the bills, but barely. There is an underlying statement of narrowly avoiding poverty.
But as an Aspie, this is how I interpreted the phrase, "Making Ends Meat" i.e. the cheaper, rounded, sealed in something end of the bologna, because one did not have enough money to purchase the good cuts of deli meat. In my mind, whenever I hear that phrase, even today, I see the curling up beige hunk of meat in deli paper sitting in the ancient avocado green fridge in my childhood home. We were always making ends meet, and therefore could only afford the ends of the meat.
Sorry for the digression, however I believe it illustrates why I have a problem with April Fools Day. I cannot distinguish between joke and real. I remember in the movie Temple Grandin, Claire Danes saying a line in the high school French class, asking why there were so many "eels" in French. She meant the word "ils" a pronoun for his/hers, but due to pronunciation she heard "eels" and as a visual thinker saw underwater snakes swimming before her eyes. I understand this problem, though I never dealt with marine life in foreign language lessons, I too often see the literal and miss the nuance.
Another common expression talks about not being able to see the forest for the trees. Aspies are intrinsically tuned into details. Every detail. All the time. I see every tree there is to see and in fact have little or no conception that there even is a forest. I do mean this literally. I live in a very wooded area and all I can see around me are a variety of individual trees. Each one is unique. Each one is distinct. Each one is mathematically discrete. I have been to state parks, national parks, and the like and all I ever see is a series of trees standing next to each other.
Of course, I have learned that this idiom really means not getting caught up in the details of something and missing the bigger picture. I'm not sure that as an Aspie I have that ability. I'm not sure what the bigger picture is. My bigger picture is mostly limited to the here and now. And perhaps, this is because I see everything all at once. My sensory input is so overwhelmed by the ability to recognize every image, sound, scent, temperature, taste, and feeling occurring at any given moment that my brain is forced to selectively condense the bigger picture to a manageable size. I am left with what appears to others as a tunnel like narrowness, because I cannot see the larger issues or outcomes.
And so, today, April Fools Day, I will wait for the pranks, I will wait for the unknown, I will live in an elevated state of fear. But it will not be unlike any other day. It is the intent that is different today. There will be those seeking a laugh at another's expense today. Yet there are those who seek this of me every day.
I am different. And those who fear difference and diversity will look to compare themselves to me. They will look to my Aspie, to my Intersex, to my Transgender, to my Stay-at-Home Dad status, and they will tell themselves that they are better than I am. They will tell themselves that I am not as successful as they are. They will tell themselves that I am not as good as they are. They will reassure themselves that who they are is normal and OK, by proving to themselves that I am neither.
I am Different...But I am Not Less. I am exactly who I am called into being. And so are "they." And so are you. Each one of us, for me, is an individual and unique tree, standing next to each other, providing safety and shelter for the world around us.
Today, let's not be fools, let's not make each other less.
Today, let's see the beautiful trees for the forest.
Be well, love your neighbor as you love yourself, and remember to actually love yourself.
-Ari
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