I need to address an issue about bullies. Particularly on this Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, when we remember a man who faced intolerance, hatred and a level of bullying that would crush the heart and spirit of most any man or woman on this planet.
In school we teach our children that if they are ever bullied or see someone being bullied they can go tell an adult. Bullying is not ok, and no one should hurt someone else simply because they can. Bullying is wrong.
But what happens when it is an adult who is bullying another adult?
Who is the adult who is being bullied supposed to turn to?
Their spouse? Their supervisor? Their friends? Their religious leader?
I don't have a good answer.
I know on an intelectual level the answer is that the adult is supposed to stand up to the bully directly and deal with the problem himself or herself. The adult is supposed to be able to confront injustice and uncalled for behavior with strength and conviction, particularly when that adult is a person of faith. One is charged with righting a wrong, and believing in their own inherent value and worth, regardless of someone else's attempts to diminish and demoralize you.
But what if you don't have the resiliency to do so?
What if it hurts, and your courage fails you, and you don't want to expose yourself to more hatred?
Today, that is where I find myself, being bullied by an insecure and vengeful individual who has chosen to single me out for their disappointment with how a project has turned out. I find myself struggling to feel compassion for someone who is so weak that they must put blame on me, rather than be accountable for their own mistakes and lack of planning.
I am saddened, and I am angry. And I am unsure of how to deal with the situation. I know this is a part of life. Life is unfair. There are people in this world who must put others down in order to feel better about themselves. And yet, at my core, I want to cry out, "Why ME?" Why me?
And I know the answer to that question already, because I represent something that this person does not like, or does not understand, or fears. I represent a time in history when the words I spoke to them were truth, not what they wanted to hear, but truth none-the-less.
More than a decade ago I spoke the words "Tolerance is NOT Acceptance." And I have paid for my honesty ever since. I have been treated disrespectfully. I have been hurt. And now I have been bullied. And it is painful and degrading.
I have thought of a million things to say in anger and bile. I have thought that I could work harder and prove myself worthy. I have thought that there were others who could have and should have had my back. And I have talked to friends, and family.
But I know that this individual will not hear anything I ever have to say. Will not give me a true and fair chance. Will have a hardened heart, because they cannot see beyond their own self doubt and fear. It will not matter whether I could be perfect or not because they would find fault with me because that is what they want to see in me.
Tonight I will have an opportunity to express this to someone who could stand up for me, and I do not know if it will make a difference in the practical world, but at least I know I will have pled my case and stood up for myself.
The strength and courage to be true to oneself is the hardest job of all.
For bullies, this must be the greatest test, that they cannot seem to pass.
And I am a man of G-d, and I will trust in who I am and who G-d is, and know that my dignity is stronger than any bully will ever be.
Thank you, Dr. King, for giving me hope, that one day we will be free.
Be well, love your neighbor as yourself, and remember to actually love yourself.
-Ari
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